Saturday, November 5, 2011

Single Lady Law

It took a while for me to reach this point, but I'm truly enjoying singleness. There are times when I wish I had a little companionship, but if you've ever been in a relationship you know that those needs aren't always met anyway. So I press onward... and in the meantime, I try to abide by a few simple laws to keep myself fabulously feminine and devastatingly desirable. (Ok.... I embellished there a little. I do get caught in the mom-teacher frump, but I fight that battle daily.)

1.     Shaving is not season-specific. Just because it's getting chilly and we aren't showing skin, doesn't mean we can neglect shaving our legs and underarms. I like to reference Queen Esther. Everyday she bathed in myrrh to prepare for the king, and this was BEFORE he even chose her! I'm not saying shave your legs in hopes someone will one day rub on them, but if that's your hope... keep'em smooth and shiny even when they're tucked away.
2.     When undergoing face-altering activities, trust God but pray for the technician. You walk into the shop and spot your favorite eyebrow-waxing technician. But when they seat you, a lady who barely speaks English with drawn-on brows comes to your service. Oh-em-gee... this is SCARY! Yeah, whisper a prayer. One bad stroke, and you'll be penciling in your brows like your auntie did in the 70's.
3.     When in doubt, play coy. Unfortunately people lie. Our girlfriends lie. Guys that pursue us lie. Our bosses lie. Nothing will disarm them and empower you better than a good lash batting. What am I saying? Play dumb!! You learn so much more when you just shut your mouth, listen, and pretend to be the idiot that liars think you are. (I just made somebody really uncomfortable.) Confrontation can wait until you've gathered the facts and cooled your jets. 
4.     Walk softly, and carry pink lipstick. Remember that Eric Benet song, Femininity? You are a woman for a reason. Be soft, gentle, sweet. Pray for a quiet spirit, and practice meekness. Your strength is in submission to God, prayer, beauty, and the ability to give life! In short, you never have to be masculine, hard, or overbearing to get things done. Do what you have to, but be pretty doing it.
5.     Subtract to multiply. As single women, we tend to invite too many people into our lives. We have so much to give and share, but 90% of the people in our circle are no good for us. My pastor said it best. There are four types of people in the world. Those who add, subtract, multiply, and divide. Which are you? Who's in your circle? Better yet,  God will subtract to multiply. A few months ago, I had to remove a number of people from my life, some of whom were very close to me. But since then, I've found myself with just a few who pour into to me as much as I pour into them. The quality of relationships that I have now is so much better than I could have ever hoped.
6.     Eat your fruit. Yeah, we should all eat healthy foods like fruit and veggies, but I'm talking about the fruits of the spirit. Remember those from Sunday school... love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Life gives us plenty of opportunities to react with harsh words and bad attitudes. But when I encounter those situations, I feel like the Holy Spirit hands me a piece of fruit to change my response. 
7.     Be seasoned, not salty. No one likes a bad attitude. If you're still popping your lips, rolling your eyes, and making negative comments about everything, you need to grow up. Develop your personal interests. Read. Write. Take a class. Do something to expand your life experiences. Understanding and wisdom are attractive. Speaking everything that comes to mind is not.
8.     Keep a stash of Tylenol PM. I've been singing that old song... "When it's cooold outsiiide, who are you holdiiing?" Ummm... pop a Tylenol PM, hold your pillow, and take your butt to bed. It ain't worth it!!! 
9.     Single ain't so bad! Few people realize that being in a bad relationship and lonely is a thousand times worse than being in single and lonely. Many married women wish for the freedom that we enjoy. I mean to go shopping and not have to hide my new dress in the trunk... to eat that extra slice of chocolate cake without a glaring look... to not have to cook and eat meatloaf and other man-style foods! LIFE IS GOOD!! 

So this list has been added to and taken from a few times since I started last night, but who says there can't be more?? I'd love to hear what single lady laws you abide by. Leave your comments below, and please share this with your FB friends and Twitter followers!

Enjoy your Saturday, good people!

Your cybersister,