Entangled: The Reason You Can't Let Go

Notice that in the title I used the word can't... not won't.... because one literally lacks the power to break free.

Let me paint a picture for you.

Imagine a beautiful, colorful butterfly floating freely in a meadow. It dances across the tops of lilies and violets fulfilling its purpose in life without any care or concern in the world, but one... the search of love. In its course of duty the butterfly crosses the path of a dark, mysterious spider who weaves a silken web of words and deeds to win the butterfly's heart. Butterfly, naive as it may be, is still cautious of getting too close to the spider... after all flies get trapped with those things. Not beautiful butterflies! Nonetheless, butterfly is intrigued by spider's enticing and glistening web. What's more is that spider has eight arms with which to hold our floating friend.... and many eyes to see the need in butterfly's longing soul.

Spider entices butterfly to lean in for a kiss, and weakened by the words and gentle caresses of our savvy antagonist, butterfly finds itself trapped in spider's web. For a while, it seems nice to have another close by... But as spider closes the space between them, butterfly finds itself even more stuck in spider's web. Butterfly enjoys the feeling of security. I mean, who wants to fly freely when you can be so deeply and passionately loved and appreciated? Relishing the feeling of being wanted, butterfly spreads its wings to embrace spider and finds itself completely and overwhelmingly entangled... 

Butterfly croons "This must be love."

Notice in the tale above there are no "he's" or "she's". I realize that most of us will associate butterfly with a female, but I'm just using it to illustrate the well-meaning, but weak character who longs for love and will settle. Guys, if it makes you feel better, you can be a dragonfly.

Spider, well... you get that! Spider is the charmer that reels you, tells you all the things you want to hear, and gets you trapped! What's more is that a spider will leave you stuck in the web, build a web elsewhere, trap some other well-meaning insects, then come back to feast on your self-esteem when it's hungry.

So are you a trapped member of the lepidoptera phylum? (Nerd speak... sorry.) This entry is for those entangled and unable to let go of someone who only creates hurt and shame. Am I speaking of romantic love? Possibly... but I feel that entanglements can happen in ANY relationship. At the moment, I can say that I have female friends with which I've become far too entangled in their affairs of life. Instead of being a support system, I've become the source of life... They suck me dry!

But romantic relationships are, by far, the trickiest. How can you tell whether there's real love in place versus an unhealthy attachment of souls? Let's go back to our characters and study their habits.

1. It feels like it's meant to be even when everything goes wrong. It can feels so good to be attached that we nurture the feeling instead of the relationship. Butterfly and spider have a natural and powerful connection in nature, but theirs is a predator-prey relationship... not a partnership. Discern your purpose in spider's life. It's never to get caught in the web. 
2. You think spider's trapped in the web too, but you realize he/she is much more adept at handling sticky situations than you are. Remember that spider weaved the web. While you may think he or she is as in deep in love as you are, take note to how easily they side step when you need them. I knew a guy who would tell me a thousand times over the phone and text that he loved me, but would NEVER say it to my face. Talk about a side-stepping somebody... 
3. Spider won't leave you alone... for long. I asked this same person to leave me alone SEVERAL times. For months I didn't contact him or respond to any of his advances. He persisted all the more. I gave in for a short time, then quickly came to my senses. When I told him where he could go with all his crap, he sent me back a polite "No." LOL... Took some time but I think he's gotten trapped in his own web. What matters most is that I'm not in it with him!
4. You think of them, and they contact you. You can feel the stringy web start to vibrate your wings as spider stealthily approaches the web. ]You can literally feel the person thinking about you. Your soul knows it, and your body knows it.  Usually these kinds of connections come from sexual contact, but if you've ever made a promise to "love forever" you've opened yourself to that soul tie. Then, at times, that still small  voice may warn you to prepare yourself... because that still small voice knows that you're entangled.
5. You start weaving a web of your own. Quite possibly the most convincing evidence anyone may have of entanglement is that you become like your predator. You learn their tricks and start trapping a few empty souls of your own to feast upon. Natural animal response, right? But you're not an animal. God has equipped you with a conscience and sensibilities. Your broken heart does not permit you to break others'... 
6. You miss your floating freedom, but you don't want to let go. A true loving relationship won't stifle your inner peace and freedom. I remember sitting beside a guy and watching a movie and thinking "I wish we would just end this." I felt so boxed-in, but not because of anything he did in particular. We had just moved too fast (and this was without sex), and I felt forced to keep up the charade. When we did part ways, it was UGLY! But at least I'm free... at least I think I am. (I really am pondering this...)

I doubt that anyone who's read this can honestly say they're free from ANY entanglements. Naturally, some are good, but we must relieve ourselves of relationships that leave us empty and unsatisfied. Some of us are entangled in more than one web which truly explains why we have no inner peace or confidence. 

I didn't write all of this just to leave you dazed in your circumstances... but the first step to freedom is acknowledging that you are, indeed, entangled, and not in love. Love gives, not takes away.

So how do we become free? Well... I need more time to think about that. Until then, let's all investigate those closest to us and figure out who's got the wrong kinds of strings attached to our wings.

Love you all... and with that, I bid you goodnight.

Your cybersister,

Alana

P.S. Special thanks to my Jiminy Cricket who gave me an idea of the butterfly and spider relationship...