But where I may have a void in your eyes, I've got a wealth of experience and understanding in my own. So take it or leave it... just read it, and decide later. :)
Life, for me, is better on this side. And some of you ladies are married to a man with the same or similar *ahem* demeanor as my ex-husband. You need to know how to handle him whether you choose to stay with him or not.
I've spent some time in my singleness wondering how this love thing is supposed to go. After applying the truth to my failed experience(s), this is what I believe.
A man and woman meet and become friends. Their friendship grows and neither person expects more from the other than they ought. They're simply getting to know each other. Because they like what they find in each other, they decide to enter an exclusive romantic relationship where they can grow together with the future possibility of being one. As the couple becomes more committed to one another, the intimacy between them increases. They protect the relationship by never allowing the intimacy to exceed the level of commitment. In doing so, the man expresses his sincere, heartfelt, "I'll die for you" type of love for the woman in constructive ways. Once she knows his love is real, she learns how to demonstrate her love for him. The couple marries, and the woman, as her expression of love to the man, willingly submits to him. She knows she is safe, that he won't harm her, that he will always protect her because he has already demonstrated this WITHOUT marital benefits. So if he did it then, surely he will do it now. Woman says "I can trust this man, so I will love him and submit to him."
Hindsight is 20/20. And you'se married nah....
Looking back to your courtship may help identify where things didn't go quite the right way, but doesn't tell you how to fix the situation you're already in nor does it tell you how to change the future. You've exchanged those til-death-do-us-part's and you meant them. But you may often feel that submitting to him just doesn't feel right. You know you're supposed to let him lead, but his leadership abilities may be in question. But first, let's chat about what submission looks like.
Or better yet, what it doesn't. Submission is not doing everything he says, being everything he wants you to be, giving when he demands that you give, and taking whatever he demands you take. It is not compliance, nor does it force one to become a doormat. You are an adult women with your own sensibilities, personality, and goals. Submission simply means you support his mission for building a life for your family. In submitting to your mate, you gladly defer to him and support him as the leader and protector of your home.
At the risk of writing a blog that's entirely too long, I will make the following statements and allow you to dissect them for yourself.
- He's your husband, not God.
- If he doesn't demonstrate Christlike love for you, be careful about submitting. It could cost you more than you're willing, or even able, to pay.
- If his life is out of order, he cannot be your head. Don't allow someone who lacks self-control to control you.
- Submission is mutual. He needs to submit to you as well.
- If he is not submitted to God and your pastor, don't expect him to submit to you.
- You don't have to agree or even take his advice for yourself. (I've got a story for this, but I'll save it.)
- If he's not pleased with you now, then he won't be pleased with you after you do everything he claims he wants you to do. That's not your issue... it's his! Bigger boobs, longer hair, more/less make-up never changed an unfaithful heart.
Churchfolk tend to get submission wrong. Don't mind them... It's what mama'nem were taught by some passa generations ago. Passa couldn't read, so he had to take his passa's word for it. But now it's time to get these things in order.
Submission is not the laying down of your life. It is an attitude of gratitude, a natural response, to one who has already laid down His, and his, life for you....
And with that, I wish you all a happy Sunday. Please post, share, tweet, retweet, and email if this has helped you! I look forward to reading your comments below! Take some time to fish through my previous posts as well... I'm as nutty as I am serious.
Happy Sunday to you all!